i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
