idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
