I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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