hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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