I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
