My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
