I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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