Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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