i need an iv and a liver transplant
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
