You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
