You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
