Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
