The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
