my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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