I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
