I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
