I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
