it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
