I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
