i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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