THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
