She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
