maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
