i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
