Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
