yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
