ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
