im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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