i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
