i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
