glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
