We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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