i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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