I am puke
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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