I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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