We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
