My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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