she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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