She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
