I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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