shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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