I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
