U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
