It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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