Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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