Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
