Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
