its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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