I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ok first of all what the fuck
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
