can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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