The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
