Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
