I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
