hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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