then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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