I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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